Thoughts on Life Inside and Outside of Room 26
Learning and Change Through Fear...8/23/2013 To use fear as the friend it is, we must retrain and reprogram ourselves. We must persistently and convincingly tell ourselves that the fear is here–with its gift of energy and heightened awareness–so we can do our best and learn the most in the new situation. In July, I learned a little bit about fear. To hear that the building where I proudly work was labeled as it was: "Priority" put a bit of fear in me. We talked a little bit about fear today with our Year One Research Cohort at the University of Toronto (photos from that Professional Development can be seen below). We considered our fears: fear of change; fear of letting go; fear of not being in charge. These are some of the challenges of teacher ownership, of lesson creation and of my teacher's heart. Creating, planning and sharing lessons with students is something that I take pride in at work. The work of teaching is not complete when I have created a lesson, but after we work through the ideas and concepts together, and we reflect on how it went. A lesson is like a growing thing. After the lesson is used initially, it grows, changes; it goes through the necessary metamorphosis to better serve us all, the next time I teach it. When I think about changing that process, changing my focus, and doing it for and about a different purpose than deep and meaningful learning, I become, ultimately, afraid. Fear is paralyzing. I think that after all of the thinking about fear, it becomes very clear that I'm afraid to fail. "Fear of Failure" makes me think about the actions that this sparks: none. I won't act because I'm afraid to fail. I think in this regard, I am not much different than many other teachers who take their teaching very personally. I am firmly planted in the idea that my work is worth something, and that I am somewhat good at what I do. Now, a fear has alighted in my school, and my first response is disbelief and anger. Next I find myself incredulous. The lack of honest and forthright communication from all of the assigning parties brought about my next feeling: helplessness. Finally, I come to a place of firm determination: Let's do this thing. I changed my entire classroom when the Common Core was imposed by the assigning parties, and I can do it again. This gloomy, end-of-the-world announcement will not dictate a similar response in me. Each day I tell myself that, with "energy and heightened awareness" I can "do my best, and learn the most in the new situation." I'm ready to help in any way that I can with Fear by my side to "spur the sides of my intent."
1 Comment
Hillary Baker
8/23/2013 02:52:45 am
Looks like the Summer Institute is going well. I MISS ALL OF YOU! Please know I'm with you in spirit. Wish I was there.
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